The Virus of LOVE!!!
by cat spasms
Summary: The first fanfic written in an Unauthorized Auto style! Third chapter is now up!(PLZ read chpt. 3 if don't know Sebald Code)
1. Act 2, Scene 10!

A/N: You will have to know the code to understand this story, and its connection to the Baudlaires. However, the play is  
an "interesting" story. More is to come.  
  
*****************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Excerp from : "The Virus of Love"(Play)~~~Starring Esme Squalor, Ivan Larchymose, and Falo Tunco, (That famouse Italian Stage Actor!!!)  
  
Act 2, Scene 10: The End of the Romance  
  
Liza: Oh what are we to do!  
  
Father: All you can do is wait for the virus to eat YOU alive!!!  
  
Priest: That is right! You shall pay for your sins!  
  
(Church Bells Ring*  
  
Priest: Our time is near! Bring the gaurds, to watch these companions DIE!!!  
  
(Common Folk Cackle. Father, Priest, Ragedy Ann Doll, Drunk, and St. Peters all enter church, followed by common folk)  
  
Liza:How ARE we supposed to untie these ropes!  
  
Frank: KIDNAPPED!!! Thats what they did to Bobby!  
  
Liza: What?  
  
Frank: You remember the friends outside the city, before Bobby vanished.  
  
Liza: Yes.  
  
Frank: Our son was kidnapped by them!  
  
Voice from Offstage: No they didn't!  
  
Liza: Who's that?  
  
Voice: Of whom you speak to? THE VIRUS HIMSELF!!!  
  
(Virus comes out dressed in long long cloth, runs around cackling. Liza and Frank look scared.)  
  
Virus: So now mister, I took Bobby, with this spell!!  
  
Frank: NO!  
  
Virus: Skippled and Quagmire, Cuffed in one hand, let this be END!!!  
  
(Frank falls over dead. Ketchup packet squirts as he lands. Liza screams)  
  
Virus: And the wife, the poor retched wife, who disowned her own parents! She has NOTHING! I ask you, wish you had died?  
Wish you had agreed to kill yourself before vanity? Next time, think! (cackles)  
  
Liza: (Calling to church)Forgive me! Don't make me a virus's victim!  
  
Father: She calls to me! Oh lord, please forgive me!  
  
(Kneels, begins to cry)  
  
St. Peters: The Lord will protect Liza if she isn't evil!  
  
Drunk: give 'baudelaires! That 'oughta cheer 'im up!  
  
Raggedy Ann Doll: There there, now. Come, Let us pray for Liza.  
  
Priest: YOU RESPECT EVIL!!! DIE!!!  
  
(Lisa screams, as she falls to the ground dead)  
  
Raggedy Ann Doll: The parent of the virus shall not be killed! I shall LIVE!!!  
  
Common Folk: KILL THEM!!!  
  
(Raggedy Ann Doll and Father are thrown out of the church, as they scream. The virus's cloth surrounds them.)  
  
Virus: MORE!?!? (Smiles)  
  
(Father dies instantly. Fake blood starts to come out of Raggedy Ann Doll's forehead, as she says her last words:)  
  
Raggedy Ann Doll: WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! FORGIVE ME!!!  
  
(Raggedy Ann Doll falls dead to the ground. The clock tower from town rings 3 times)  
  
Virus: 3:00pm already! Thats my expiration!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
(Virus falls to the ground, and seemingly, vanishes, as all that remains is his cloth. However, he will really exit threw the  
center trap door.)  
  
(St. Peters and Priest exit church, followed by common folk, who mournfully walk across stage, now saddened by the deathes.)  
  
Priest: Such a pity. They weren't entirely evil. Goes to show what a genetically created virus can kill.  
  
St. Peters: It wasn't that virus that killed them. It was the Virus of Love.  
  
(All nod in sadness, as they exit. As they leave, we see the narrator is behind the crowd. He sits on the church steps)  
  
Narrator: And so, the prophecy was fufilled. The creator of the virus was killed by it. Such a pity indeed. But why weep for  
this fictional story, when there is so much you can weep for in your worlds today? So much of it you weep for is caused by  
the virus of love. Love between your family, as orphans die in fires. Love between friends, as orphans' friends are kidnapped,  
who are also orphans, and love between a soul mate, as an author's true love dies in a fire, or so he thinks. One can never know  
with the Virus of Love!!!  
  
(Narrator bows his head with sadness, as the curtain falls. The paid audience (Or not entirely. Some of my companions will be  
watching) will applaud for exactly 30 seconds. By then, it should start to die down. Curtain call will begin, and the applause  
will then continue for another minute or two.)  
  
Fin.  
  
Notes(As of dress rehersal):  
  
Ivan(Frank)-Do be careful with the eye contact. We don't want people to see your eye.  
  
Esme(Liza)-Fabulous Darling! What do you say, Cafe Salmonella at 2:00?  
  
Me(Narrator)-We all did great, but I did the best.  
  
Quigley(Bobby)-If you dare to make a peep during that first scene, I will personally kill you. And you know I mean it.  
  
Tom Cruise(Father)-Yeah, Yeah, yeah...you Hollywood folks are too much. I'm considering recasting you as a common folk if your  
ego doesn't hog the stage.  
  
Everyone else-Good job! Remember, first performance tomorrow night! And DON'T MISPEAK! PERIOD!!! 


	2. A Night at the Theater: The Virus of Lov...

A New Night at the theater  
  
by Nickoles Menty.  
  
"The Virus of Love"  
  
1 1/2 stars. (* 1/2)  
  
Well, I have just come straight from the latest play at the theatar, entitled, "The Virus of Love". It is the usual sappy  
Romance story that occurs at the wrong moment(Such as the kissing scene in 'THE REVOLUTION' that happens when one lover is on  
the guillotine.) In this one, it is the usual Romeo and Juillette of forbiden lovers, Liza (Esme Squalor, that dreadful  
lady!), a catholic in a small town, and Frank, who is a Buddhist, or one who believes in Karma, Nirvana, and such, from a  
nearby city. The two fall madly in love, and I reccommend you don't have your kids watch act 1 scene 2, entitled, "The  
Bedroom". So, they fall in love, which the parents don't like. The mother, Raggedy Ann Doll, is not happy with this, so she  
genetically creates a virus. But before that, the two escape to the nearby city. 2 years, later, they come back, and them  
and their son are killed by the virus. Both the parents feel bad, but since they mourn for her, the local priest agrees to  
kill them. It is a common tradgedy, as a plotline and how I rate it.  
  
I only reccommend it to those who are looking for codes in the story. The play was very very very boring, dull, and bad.  
About as depressing as what happened to the local Quagmires. Speaking of the Quagmires, I'm fairly sure the young boy Bobby is played by thier son, Quigley Quagmire. He looks identical. But who knows  
with Falo Tunco's bizarre and dull plays.   
  
The acting was very dreadful, along with the script writing. Did you notice how many times there was a ring? Beatrice, the  
originally planned actress, would have done better. So beware before you see it. As for the acting, Esme, your better off  
as the 6th most important financial officer. Next, Ivan should stick to his long books-- RING! Oh, that was random, wasn't  
it? That just gives you the idea of how many rings there were. Anyways, Ivan should stick to his long books, which is  
supposedly meant for hiding codes in it! Tom Cruise did the best out of everyone, even though his ego hogged the stage.  
  
So, I know you readers are used to seeing me write long reviews, but I am afraid I don't/can't waste your time reading about  
such a horrid play! Please, Please PLEASE don't go see it.  
  
That is all I have to say.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
--Nickoles Monety 


	3. How to use the Sebald Code

Excerp from the VFD Guide.  
  
"How to use the Sebald Code:  
  
1. When watching a play, reading a book, or seeing a moving, or talking to the only person with  
you when stranded on an Island, listen/look for a ringing noise or the word ring.  
  
2.Starting with the word IMMEDIATLY following the ring, count the 10th word after the previous  
word in the code. These words, in the order that they are, should form a message:  
  
3. Remember, when viewing a play's script or movie, ignore the stage directions, or the parts  
in parenthasis.  
  
An Example of the Code, from Ivan Larchymose's "Lake Explorer":  
  
'If you listen for a ring, you will hear one. It is a mysterious thing you will hear.  
Many natives believe it signifies the fact you'll die. Rings are a huge supersition,  
you know, to these indians. Speaking of indians, I have a friend who dresses up as  
them, that good old count. He lives at...'  
  
If you deduced the code correctly, you should have gotten "You Will Die." Otherwise, I believe you  
need to continue to study the VFD guide section on how to use the Sebald Code, or else  
you won't be able to help us when we--'  
  
***  
A/N: This is for those who don't know the Sebald Code, or have gotten confused in using it. I hope  
this helps! The next chapter will be a part of the storyline.  
  
--Cat. 


End file.
